So how does fear work it's magic? It reminds us of all the reasons why we shouldn?t marry the one we're with. And how do we combat this reasoning? Herein lies what I'll present as a simple answer, but actually requires hours and hours, if not years and years, of emotional work and discipline: we connect with that quiet space inside ourselves that knows the truth, that knows that we are with the right man, that knows that this is the right decision at this time in our lives.
Many, if not most, of you, through your emails to me and your posts on the message board, have expressed that you have a deep knowing that you?re with the right person. You know that you share the same values about family, children, religion, time. You communicate well enough. (We're not going for perfect here! I know, most of you are also perfectionists; it goes along with the conscious bride personality profile.) You generally get along well most of the time. You have fun together. At the core, you are good friends. Many of you have said to me, "I couldn't have found a better partner. I know he's the right one for me."
And then fear creeps in. And that's the time to find a quiet space and come back to yourself, back to your essence. What are the ways that you come to back to self? Is it through writing and journaling? Is it through talking on the phone to your best friend or sister or mother? Is it in nature, sitting under a tree and starting out at the trees and sky? How about exercise going for a run or taking a great yoga class? When you sense that fear is about to overwhelm you, stop whatever you're doing and take a few minutes sometimes it only takes five minutes to come back to yourself. It's in that quiet space that you remember your truth. It?s in the stillness of our beings, the deep place of soul, that we know all we need to know. Here is where we find trust. Here is where we find our answers.
It's not easy to rest in that place of self-trust. We live in a culture where trust in ourselves in our unique rhythms and our deepest knowings has been stamped out of us almost from the time we?re born. We are taught, often by well-meaning and very loving parents, to place the nucleus of our trust in other people, giving them the authority to know what?s best for us. This is a grave disservice, and we often spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to restore self-trust. And then we're faced with the biggest decision of our lives who and when to marry and we're paralyzed. How are we supposed to know that this is right? What if I make a mistake? What if? what if? what ? Okay. Stop. Come back to self. Find that quiet place within. Remember your truth. Restore one cell of self-trust at a time, that place inside that knows very clearly: is it a YES or a NO? This is your North Star. This is your answer. You may have to practice this discipline ten, twenty time a day. As I said, fear is strong and fear is on a mission. But the more you do it, the less power fear will hold. Essentially your saying to fear, "I'm choosing not to believe you anymore. I'm taking action that will reduce your hold on my psyche." It's a spiritual discipline, one that will serve you for the rest of your life.
Many, if not most, of you, through your emails to me and your posts on the message board, have expressed that you have a deep knowing that you?re with the right person. You know that you share the same values about family, children, religion, time. You communicate well enough. (We're not going for perfect here! I know, most of you are also perfectionists; it goes along with the conscious bride personality profile.) You generally get along well most of the time. You have fun together. At the core, you are good friends. Many of you have said to me, "I couldn't have found a better partner. I know he's the right one for me."
And then fear creeps in. And that's the time to find a quiet space and come back to yourself, back to your essence. What are the ways that you come to back to self? Is it through writing and journaling? Is it through talking on the phone to your best friend or sister or mother? Is it in nature, sitting under a tree and starting out at the trees and sky? How about exercise going for a run or taking a great yoga class? When you sense that fear is about to overwhelm you, stop whatever you're doing and take a few minutes sometimes it only takes five minutes to come back to yourself. It's in that quiet space that you remember your truth. It?s in the stillness of our beings, the deep place of soul, that we know all we need to know. Here is where we find trust. Here is where we find our answers.
It's not easy to rest in that place of self-trust. We live in a culture where trust in ourselves in our unique rhythms and our deepest knowings has been stamped out of us almost from the time we?re born. We are taught, often by well-meaning and very loving parents, to place the nucleus of our trust in other people, giving them the authority to know what?s best for us. This is a grave disservice, and we often spend the rest of our lives trying to figure out how to restore self-trust. And then we're faced with the biggest decision of our lives who and when to marry and we're paralyzed. How are we supposed to know that this is right? What if I make a mistake? What if? what if? what ? Okay. Stop. Come back to self. Find that quiet place within. Remember your truth. Restore one cell of self-trust at a time, that place inside that knows very clearly: is it a YES or a NO? This is your North Star. This is your answer. You may have to practice this discipline ten, twenty time a day. As I said, fear is strong and fear is on a mission. But the more you do it, the less power fear will hold. Essentially your saying to fear, "I'm choosing not to believe you anymore. I'm taking action that will reduce your hold on my psyche." It's a spiritual discipline, one that will serve you for the rest of your life.
(taken from: The Conscious Bride)
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