An Overview of Transitions
Whether moving to a new city or having a baby, changing careers or going through a divorce, transitions are a part of life. While in the midst of change, even if the change is toward something joyous and positive like a wedding or moving into your dream house, it is normal and healthy to feel:
grief/heartbreak
confused
angry/enraged
disoriented
scared/terrified
numb
What most people lack around transitions is basic information that would help them to contextualize these emotions, make sense of them, and move through them effectively. Culturally, we focus on the externals of a transition planning a wedding, buying the car seat, packing the boxes to the exclusion of the inner realm. While the externals are important, when we bypass working consciously with the emotions activated during transition, we decrease our chances of adjusting to the new life as cleanly and gracefully as possible. This can have long-term negative consequences not only during the transition at hand but for our lives in general.
Every transition involves passing through three phases:
Letting Go During which we separate from the old life, grieve the losses, express and explore fears and expectations about the new life.
In-between During which we¹re in the liminal (limbo) zone of transition detached from the old life but not yet established in the new one a highly uncomfortable place characterized by feeling numb, disoriented, depressed, and out of control.
Rebirth In which we embrace the new life and identity and feel confident, comfortable, and excited about the possibilities of growth that a new beginning holds.
Everyone goes through multiple life changes each year that, with simple information and consciousness, could be transformed from stressful and depleting events to life-affirming and transformational events. We habitually think of change as "hard" or "negative", but what most people fail to recognize is that embedded in these predictable life-cycle occurrences are portals that invite us to spiral into a deeper layer of our personal growth. Instead of powering through transitions as quickly as possible, we would benefit greatly by embracing them as the gifts that they are.
From a spiritual perspective, every transition is an opportunity for growth. As we learn how to let go into the 'groundlessness' that defines the in-between stage of transition between the end of the old life and beginning of the new, we move into a more effortless alignment with life. Life is ever-changing, and when we approach transitions consciously and with the intention of growth, we eventually learn how to accept this truth with grace.
This is not an easy task. Transitions require no less than the willingness to die (symbolically), to sit in the uncomfortable void, and to be reborn. Who would willingly embrace this task? For some of us, we have no choice. Transitions seem to pull us into the underworld and create such fear, pain, confusion, and disorientation that we must seek help. While in the throes of the challenge, this may seem unfair and we may be plagued with questions like, "Why do others seem so blissfully happy during their engagement when my joy is accompanied by a sense of loss? Why do others move to a new city effortlessly when I feel terrified? How come she was able to re-marry so easily after her divorce when my heart is broken and I still have dreams about my ex?"
Yet when we finally emerge from the pain, we see that the struggle was well worth it. For to enter into the death-void-rebirth cycle is to embark on the heroine¹s journey. And when the heroine returns from her voyage, she carries the boons‹or jewels‹of her travels. One of the great boons is that she knows, at a deeper layer of consciousness, that there can be no light without entering the darkness, and that with each descent into her darkness, the light shines ever more brightly. She knows that next time she is pulled into the darkness‹which most likely will occur in the midst of her next major transition‹she will be able to navigate the journey more gracefully. She trusts that, even as she cries and rages, she is exactly where she needs to be.
Whether moving to a new city or having a baby, changing careers or going through a divorce, transitions are a part of life. While in the midst of change, even if the change is toward something joyous and positive like a wedding or moving into your dream house, it is normal and healthy to feel:
grief/heartbreak
confused
angry/enraged
disoriented
scared/terrified
numb
What most people lack around transitions is basic information that would help them to contextualize these emotions, make sense of them, and move through them effectively. Culturally, we focus on the externals of a transition planning a wedding, buying the car seat, packing the boxes to the exclusion of the inner realm. While the externals are important, when we bypass working consciously with the emotions activated during transition, we decrease our chances of adjusting to the new life as cleanly and gracefully as possible. This can have long-term negative consequences not only during the transition at hand but for our lives in general.
Every transition involves passing through three phases:
Letting Go During which we separate from the old life, grieve the losses, express and explore fears and expectations about the new life.
In-between During which we¹re in the liminal (limbo) zone of transition detached from the old life but not yet established in the new one a highly uncomfortable place characterized by feeling numb, disoriented, depressed, and out of control.
Rebirth In which we embrace the new life and identity and feel confident, comfortable, and excited about the possibilities of growth that a new beginning holds.
Everyone goes through multiple life changes each year that, with simple information and consciousness, could be transformed from stressful and depleting events to life-affirming and transformational events. We habitually think of change as "hard" or "negative", but what most people fail to recognize is that embedded in these predictable life-cycle occurrences are portals that invite us to spiral into a deeper layer of our personal growth. Instead of powering through transitions as quickly as possible, we would benefit greatly by embracing them as the gifts that they are.
From a spiritual perspective, every transition is an opportunity for growth. As we learn how to let go into the 'groundlessness' that defines the in-between stage of transition between the end of the old life and beginning of the new, we move into a more effortless alignment with life. Life is ever-changing, and when we approach transitions consciously and with the intention of growth, we eventually learn how to accept this truth with grace.
This is not an easy task. Transitions require no less than the willingness to die (symbolically), to sit in the uncomfortable void, and to be reborn. Who would willingly embrace this task? For some of us, we have no choice. Transitions seem to pull us into the underworld and create such fear, pain, confusion, and disorientation that we must seek help. While in the throes of the challenge, this may seem unfair and we may be plagued with questions like, "Why do others seem so blissfully happy during their engagement when my joy is accompanied by a sense of loss? Why do others move to a new city effortlessly when I feel terrified? How come she was able to re-marry so easily after her divorce when my heart is broken and I still have dreams about my ex?"
Yet when we finally emerge from the pain, we see that the struggle was well worth it. For to enter into the death-void-rebirth cycle is to embark on the heroine¹s journey. And when the heroine returns from her voyage, she carries the boons‹or jewels‹of her travels. One of the great boons is that she knows, at a deeper layer of consciousness, that there can be no light without entering the darkness, and that with each descent into her darkness, the light shines ever more brightly. She knows that next time she is pulled into the darkness‹which most likely will occur in the midst of her next major transition‹she will be able to navigate the journey more gracefully. She trusts that, even as she cries and rages, she is exactly where she needs to be.
(taken from the book which I brought a week before the wedding, The Conscious Bride)
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